Writers Dreaming

Talking about any issue is an important part of getting through it. At the very least, communicating to some extent is the next best step. For me, it's purely a matter of whether I let myself dwell on it and let it swallow me up. The significance of the matter also needs to be put into perspective. Validation of certain negative feelings is the first step of getting over them, after all. I've recently been battling with this concept over the past few weeks. Recently losing someone that I felt very close to has been excruciating on certain days, but more than often those feelings are beaten back best with a baseball bat made of only the happiest memories you have, even if they're unrelated to the issue at hand. Giving in to a bad day and getting into a rut can certainly give the negativity the power it requires to keep beating you. I certainly hate the numb days that could have been well spent feeling every single emotion that climbs aboard the train of thought.

The unconscious imagination tells very little of me (at least to my knowledge) and more about other people in my life. It always creates images in technicolor realness like a Salvador Dali painting. Sometimes they are so lifelike that I often confront people about something that they did in my dream thinking that it had actually happened. Symbols and very real feelings and sensory details, mostly of dread, are a substantial thread weaving through my dream world. I've had nightmares of teeth falling out, of huge decrepit mansions, getting shot, and dead animals hung on walls. I can recall the events and reasoning as to why I might have dreamed up such a dark, peculiar concoction for someone who's so positive in their waking life. The majority of the time, I wake up feeling more exhausted than I was when my head hit the pillow, but it's just something I've learned how to get used to.

I enjoy talking to people so much I don't know if I would be extremely happy living without being able to speak, but if I had to then I would certainly make the best of it. Conversation and observation are on the same level of importance with me, but usually I'm doing a fraction too much of one over the other. 'Enjoy' is kind of an odd word to use to describe my feelings about talking to people. I guess I just know who to talk to in order to get that enjoyment. I've made my rounds through the people who don't particularly like to talk about anything beneficial so they're the ones that I never seem to speak around unless it's sarcastic.

When it comes to taking an exam, I can seem to have total recall of every place that I've ever been. This is nice, except for the fact that I'll never really be graded on my ability to remember what the Metropolitan Museum smells like. I can only seem to remember the most vivid memories at inconvenient times. The rest is either "filled in" with what I prefer to remember, or just glazed over. Memory recollection comes fairly easy for me, but the ages of around four to eleven are crystal clear. I only vaguely remember the year 2014, but can seem to totally relive 2005 in my imagination.